Since we were kids, we always heard the phrase “never settle.” I remember my 9 year old self thinking “what a silly thing to say. Of course I’ll never settle, why have plain vanilla ice cream, when I can have chocolate syrup with chocolate chips on top?” It’s a simple concept: don’t accept anything less than what you deserve. But here we are, grown, mature-minded adults, settling.
The most common place we settle is in our relationships. Whether it be with our significant others or our friends, do you ever feel like you put out more than you get back?
As a human being, it is in our nature to want to give, to help, to share. But you should also know when to stop. Giving too much of yourself is exhausting, especially when the person on the receiving end isn’t doing much giving back. I know you know what I’m talking about. You, with the guy who you know doesn’t treat you how you should be treated. You, with the friend you keep allowing back into your life despite the fact that they’re never there when you need them. You, throwing your love around and not receiving any in return.
The most important relationship you will ever have in this lifetime, is the one you have with yourself, and if you’re running around giving yourself to people who aren’t giving themselves to you, then baby, what is you doinnngggg?
Let’s be clear. I’m the type of person that if I care about you, I care a lot, therefore, I will put effort into you. Just because that’s who I am. And guess what? That’s okay. It’s okay to care and to do things for someone out of the generosity of your heart. Just because. How do you think the idea of charity was created? People giving but not expecting anything in return.
But ultimately there comes a point where there can be too much giving and not enough getting. This is the part where you’ll start to feel balance beam shifting. You’ll start to resent that person because here you are sharing yourself, but getting minimal effort back. If you’re feeling this way, then you need to speak up. Never be afraid to believe you deserve more. You are the leading star in your life and if you don’t feel like the people around you are aiding in your shine then I will gladly help you show them to the audience where they can have a seat and watch how it’s done. The right way.
If you know you’re worth more, than challenge the people around you to level up and give you more. It’s silly to think but sometimes it can be scary to ask for more. Maybe you think you’ll sound needy, or selfish, or you don’t want to lose that person. I am here to tell you there is never anything wrong with saying “I am doing more for this relationship than you are and unless you plan on being a better person to me than maybe we shouldn’t be around each other anymore.” If you lose someone over those words than maybe they were not meant to be in your life anyway.
Remember who comes first here, sunshine. You and you alone. Don’t settle for an appetizer. That’s not filling, nor satisfying. You deserve the full-course meal AND a side of dessert.
Can you tell I’m hungry?